Looking back over my discernment, I wished there was
something to help me walk through some of that confusion. On one of my
hour-long walks home from work, it came to me. I was praying the rosary and
in an instant of clarity I could see that Mary had already walked this vocation
path better than anyone. As I prayed the Joyous Mysteries that night, swerving
around blind corners through the park to get back home, it became clear that
in her hidden life with Jesus, Mary left us a sort of model of the process of
discernment, with Jesus being the personification of her vocation. I hope this
Discernment Survival Guide will help others who are discerning the big “V”
vocational call to a particular state of life in the Church or the small “v”
call to make a decision that will change the course of their life.
First Joyous Mystery: “The Annunciation” aka
“Just Say Yes, Let God Do the Rest”
Any spiritual calling is unsettling. It is invariably a
call to change, to move out of one’s comfort zone. For me, this was the worst
part. I felt like I had to respond, that this call was from God and that it was
the most important thing in my life and yet, I didn’t know exactly what God was
calling me to do. I spent a lot of time agonizing over what the call meant,
what I was supposed to do, and how and when I was supposed to do it once I
figured it all out. It took me a long time to discover that my role in the
discernment process is just to say yes, to be willing to take the next step in
humility and joy, just as Mary did when she proclaims her beautiful Fiat,
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your
word.” (Lk 1:38). Just like Mary at the Annunciation, I am not meant to see the
whole picture. I am only asked to be willing to put myself at the service of
God’s call as it presents itself to me in that moment. Any vocation from God is
a cause for celebration. No matter how large or small the issue being
discerned, the fact that God has moved us is a powerful sign of His presence
and love and, above all, His sense of humour.
Second Joyous Mystery: “The Visitation” aka
“Don’t Go It Alone”
Mary sharing her vocation with Elizabeth
What is the first action Mary takes after she learns she
is to be the Mother of God? She takes to the road, to visit her cousin
Elizabeth (Lk 1:39). At their meeting, Mary again expresses her humility and joy
at God’s gift of vocation in her Magnificat, “My soul proclaims the greatness
of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my saviour. For he has looked upon his
handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The
Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name” (Lk 1:46-49).
Most important for my discernment was the confirmation she receives from
Elizabeth in the leaping of John the Baptist in Elizabeth’s womb and her
exclamation, “Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the
Lord would be fulfilled” (Lk 1:45) . I found out by trial and error that a huge
part of the discernment process is talking to others about it and sharing it
with a variety of people with different vantage points: friends, family, my
parish priest, other priests and religious, Vocation Directors, co-workers,
unbelievers, whoever will listen. My first instinct was to keep my vocation
call to myself, to protect it, afraid that others would not understand it or
would reject it. Of course, all that happened and it was all good for me to
hear. It forced me to constantly remind myself to let go. God is in control,
and He will speak to me through both positive and negative feedback, but I have
to be willing to share my call in humility and see it as a gift from God that
must be given away order to be truly received.
Third Joyous Mystery: “The Nativity” aka “In
God’s Time, Not Yours”
I can imagine the anxiety Mary and Joseph must have felt
as Mary approached her labour with no lodging (Lk 2:7). After the announcement
that Mary would give birth to the Son of God, it must have seemed to both of
them like they had taken a wrong turn somewhere, that maybe Mary had
misunderstood the call. At many points in my discernment and even now, it often
looks as if my life is headed in the opposite direction from what I am
discerning to be God’s intention for me. Rather than second guess my
discernment, I have learned to assume that the call is correct and that the
circumstances of my life just haven’t caught up to it yet. Mary’s vocation to
be the Mother of God started in the unlikeliest of places: a manger in
Bethlehem. This was God’s intent all along, not an oversight but a fulfilment,
a part of a larger providential plan that is difficult to see when you are living
it out on the ground. I have to constantly try to step away from my
circumstances to see as God sees, not from my blind-corner perspective in space
and time, but in the grand trajectory of God’s love and mercy that unfolds
gradually over a lifetime of saying yes to his invitations.
Fourth Joyous Mystery: “The Presentation”
aka “Don’t Get Cold Feet”
Mary offering her vocation to God
Mary has given birth to Jesus, the personification of her
vocation as the Mother of God. She has nurtured Jesus, protected Him, spoke to
Him, and watched Him grow in her arms. The message of an angel becomes the
reality of a baby and the time has come in a wonderfully numinous moment to
formally present the Son of God to God the Father (Lk 2:22). A similar moment
occurred in my vocation. In each conversation with a Vocation Director, every
email and lunch meeting, and every visit to a community to “come and see”, my
vocation gradually stopped being an idea and started to take shape as a way of
life, a decision and action I could take that would shape the course of my life
and my growth as a person. Finally, with the Carmelites, that action became
concrete, an invitation to submit my application to the Order. That
moment is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Discernment tells me what I
am called to do, but only I can agree to do it. God will not force me to answer
His call; such is his love and respect for my dignity as His child that He will
never give me “an offer I can’t refuse”. He only invites and waits for me to
respond. It is up to me to decide if it will be love or fear that will drive my
response.
Fifth Joyous Mystery: “Finding in the
Temple” aka “Leave the Results to God”
When Mary and Joseph “lose” Jesus in the Temple at
Jerusalem, it is easy to imagine how frantic they would be and how powerless
they must have felt (Lk 2: 43-45). How will they ever find a little boy amidst
the thousands that have come to worship and trade throughout the city? It is
reasonable to assume that they might even have blamed themselves for losing the
Son of God, their vocation, who was entrusted to them to protect. I see this
mystery as a warning for me to remember that even when I say yes to my
vocation; it does not mean that everything that follows will necessarily be a
happy ending. There will be countless times when I “lose” my vocation; it may
seem that I have made the wrong decision because things are not going as I
thought they would or because things don’t seem to be going at all. I have to
remember that because my vocation comes from God it will always return to God,
just as Jesus, Mary’s vocation, did in returning to the Temple (Lk 2:49).
Regardless of how my vocation plays out in the end, once I say yes to it, the
living out of my decision is always I gift that I am giving back to God, for
His own purposes, according to His own design.
Happy praying!
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